Most of us have watched an episode of Superman where he is rendered powerless by kryptonite - a glowing rock from his original planet that saps him of his strength. I think many professionals have career kryptonite that diminishes the control they have over their development. However, unlike Superman's, it isn't a rock that can be tucked away. Instead, it's a deep, dark fear of rejection that stalls them from going after what they really want.
3 Ways to Deal With Rejection
Option 1 - Seek a ton of it. I recently saw an article about an entrepreneur who realized he had a fear of rejection. He knew as the founder of a start-up, he needed to overcome this fear and be able to develop some "thick skin" to cope. So, he set off on a mission to desensitize himself to rejection by having it happen to him every day - for 100 days. Here's the article and the story of how he recorded (yes, RECORDED!) himself implementing what he calls "Rejection Therapy."
I think his approach is one way to do it, but I'd argue most people don't have that kind of self-motivation. So, here are two other approaches I've seen work.
Option 2 - Roleplay what the rejection will feel like and manage expectations to the worst case scenario. When my clients are afraid to reach out to a stranger who works at a company on their bucket list, I roleplay with them what's going to happen. We discuss the worst case scenario. Ironically, it's not that they will say "no" - it's getting ignored all together that scares most folks. So, we discuss what will happen in their life if this occurs. They very quickly realize the world won't end, they won't be injured physically, and that nobody will even know it happened. Hmm. Not so scary any more, right? Then, we go a step further by expecting the majority of people we reach out to will say "no" - and therefore, we actually get a pleasant surprise when they say "yes." Amazingly, as they get responses, both good and bad, they see the rejection means nothing, and more importantly, they are learning how to improve their communications to get more "yes" responses. Soon, the rate of positive responses is higher than when they started. Even though they are still getting rejected, they see the situation as going in the right direction and feel good about their professional growth.
Option 3 - Reward yourself for every rejection. Typically, when we get rejected, we don't reward ourselves. In fact, we usually mentally berate ourselves. We call ourselves, "silly" and "stupid" for trying. This is called Neurolinguistic Programming, and it is terrible for our professional growth. To disrupt this negative self-talk, we need to create a positive reinforcement in the form of a reward. Each time you get rejected, mark a tally in a notebook. When you get to ten, give yourself a treat. i.e. time watching your favorite show, a latte, an hour on Pinterest, etc. Being good to ourselves is the best way to motivate us to do the things we don't like.
We all need to be our own career's superhero and fight back against rejection. We can't let career kryptonite sap us of our professional strength.
How do you cope with rejection? I'd love to hear other professionals' thoughts in the comments below.
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