Who's the Boss?

Leaning in is getting a lot of attention these days because of Sheryl Sandberg’s book. In my experience, “leaning in” often requires leaning into a valuable lesson about yourself.

Here’s one of mine: You are the boss of you. You have a role in steering your career, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Yes, most of us have bosses, and all of us have customers or decision makers to whom we are accountable.

Indeed, because of this -- there’s a role to seize: letting others know what you want. It starts with knowing what you want to do and what you are able to do. And that’s not easy or not always clear.

I didn’t always understand this. And a particular experience brings it to life:

I had a good job I liked. I was challenged by the work, and part of a team I adored. Yet there was an opening in the company that represented a big growth opportunity for me. Curiously, the position had been vacant for six months. I was surprised no one had been hired and more surprised I hadn’t been asked to apply. Finally, I got up the nerve to meet with the HR leader about submitting my name.

The HR leader told me the hiring manager had considered me for the position, but assumed that I wouldn’t be able to travel or put in the hours required because I had a young family. Apparently, my skills and performance hadn’t been in question.

My reply was surprisingly swift and bold: I want the job -- I’d be great at it! And (having talked to my family) travel and hours were something I would and could manage.

I got the job, and it turned out to be a very pivotal one for me, giving me a range of experiences that have served me well. If I hadn’t leaned into that opportunity, others wouldn’t have known what I knew – that I was up for the challenge. I cringe thinking about how timid I was for those six months the job was open, waiting for someone to ask me about it!

People aren’t mind readers. Talk to your manager or mentor about your goals. And as a manager, I’ve learned never assume people can’t take on professional responsibilities because of personal ones.

You know what’s best for you – whether it’s going for a job or deciding not to go for one. A friend took 2 years off to explore new directions and time with her family – despite people telling her she would fall behind. She re-engaged in her career more certain about what she wants, and now leads a top consultancy.

Many people play pivotal roles in creating your career opportunities. So does luck, timing and hard work. Not every opportunity works out, and some are not right for you, even if offered. But above all else, it starts with understanding what you want and what you can do. Just ask your boss.