Fear, Courage and a Lesson

Fear, Courage and a Lesson from the Girl Scouts

I didn’t go on a date until I was 20 years old, and I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 22.

Even though my wife says I’m one of the most entrepreneurial people she’s ever met, I didn’t start my first business until I was 30 years old.

When I was younger, I was afraid of a lot. I was afraid of rejection, so even though I wanted a girlfriend desperately, I didn’t ask out girls on dates. I was afraid of failure, so even though I had lots of business ideas, I didn’t start a business.

Ironically, my fear of failure ensured the very thing I was afraid of: failure.

If you don’t risk failure, it’s hard to enjoy success.

Somewhere along the way, fortunately, I realized these 3 key facts of life:

1) We will always have fear, and that’s okay.

2) Courage is the ability to proceed in the face of fear.

3) The difference between those who are unsuccessful and those who are successful in life is often courage.

When I finally got the courage to ask out Robin on a date at age 20, she said yes, and I went on my first date. (It went horribly of course, but that’s another story.) When I finally got the courage to ask out Jen on a date, this time it went better, and soon thereafter, I had my first girlfriend. When I finally got the courage to ask another girlfriend to marry me, she said yes, and Carrie and I have now been happily married for nearly seven years, with two daughters that are the loves of my life.

When I finally had the courage to start a business, I ended up starting a business that in six years became one of the leading independent social marketing firms in the country, on the INC 500 list of fastest growing private companies for two years running.

I’m no less afraid today than I was when I started my first business or asked out that first girl or even than in high school and college, when I didn’t ask out anyone on a date. The only difference is courage.

Three weeks ago, I relearned these lessons by teaching them to my 5-year old daughter Kate. She is a first year Girl Scout – they’re called Daisies – and with my wife and troop leader Carrie running late from a meeting, I was called on to pinch-hit and lead a troop meeting. The lesson that day, in order for the Daisies to get a “petal,” was on “Courage and Strength.”

I read the seven 5-year olds a story about a girl named Tula who witnessed other girls teasing someone in the schoolyard. The girl was afraid to stand up and say something, but then finally did, when she realized it was the right thing to do, and had the courage to stand up to the bullies. Tula, in the end, was able to get all of the girls to be friends, and was rewarded for her courage.

“So courage is when you do the right thing, when you’re strong like Tula in the story?” asked one of the girls. Scratching my head, I wasn’t quite sure how to answer. And then my daughter did for me:

“Daddy,” my daughter Kate said, “I think that to have courage, you have to be afraid first. And then be strong, like Tula.”

I thought that insight from a five year old was pretty amazing.

Fear is normal –even a good thing.

Fear plus courage may or may not lead to success. But it will lead to an adventure. And fear without courage will almost assuredly lead to failure.

I’m so glad I led that Girl Scout lesson in courage when I did, because in the last two months, I’ve been in the midst of the fearful process of soliciting investors and fundraising for my 2ndbusiness, a social media software company for small businesses. I have been rejected by many investors. And I’ve been afraid of getting rejected by all of them and my business never getting off the ground. In fact, after all of those rejections, I was running out of courage when I led the Girl Scouts lesson.

Life has a very funny way of working out the way it’s supposed to, though. Inspired by the lesson I taught to seven five year olds, I persevered, I kept asking, and within two weeks, I secured a $500 thousand dollar investment – or enough to grow my new software company to the next level.

Everyone is afraid – of rejection, or failure, or embarrassment, or consequences, or losing, or feeling hurt, or missing out, or so many other fears.

The challenge isn’t to be fearless. It’s to summon up the courage, in spite of the fear, to go for it. Then, win or lose, you’ll have an adventure.

And, like Tula in the Girl Scouts story, you just might win.

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Now, it’s your turn. Have you ever been held back by fear? How did you end up with the courage to continue? What have you been afraid of in the past? And who in your life has led by example with courage? Please have the courage to let me know your honest thoughts in the Comments section below.