Top Performers Never Work "For" A Company

What's the one key difference you see in top performers
compared to the rest of the workforce?

My answer: Top performers never see themselves as working "for" a company. They believe it's better to work "with" a company.

Do you know the difference?

When we believe we work "for" a company, we give up control. They set the rules and we blindly follow them. They plan the future and we obediently execute the plan. They are the master and we are the ____(insert whatever you want). In short, we place a set of golden handcuffs on and silently suffer.

But J.T., if I stand up for myself, I'll get canned.

I'm sure many of you read the above and immediately fear standing up for yourself will get you in trouble. Yes, if you decide to be aggressive and demand your employer make changes or else, you'll most likely be shown to the door. That's not what I'm suggesting. It's about changing the way we see, and subsequently, work "with" the employer. The fact is, they don't think they owe us anything. Why? We've been compensated for what we agreed to as the working arrangement. If we want to change the results, we need to change the approach.

Professional Emancipation = The Secret to Being a Top Performer at Work

Top performers don't view themselves as employees. They don't give up perceived control over their destiny. They see the employer as a means to an end - a client they want to work "with" as a way to create a win-win scenario. They patiently but persistently negotiate the terms until they feel there's an equitable arrangement where both sides profit. And, when the situation changes (which it eventually always does), and they start to feel like the agreement is out of balance, they proactively and positively explore ways to bring it back to equality. They plan their own futures and use the work they do with the employer to help them further their ambitions. They recognize they are their own boss and the employer is a consumer - an entity they must please to stay in business, but one that can be replaced, or even fired, as long as they keep their business relevant and in-demand.

I realize that is easier said than done. But please remember, I as asked about top performers - and in my experience, that's what it takes.

So, which would you rather? Work "for" or "with" a company?

I believe we need employers and they need us. I believe we can free ourselves of The Golden Handcuff Effect and partner with employers to do great things. But most importantly, I believe it begins with deciding to stop working "for" a company and start working "with" them.

What do you think?

Setting A Standard For Success

Does your company have a definition for success? Without one it may be hard to effectively turn over projects.

When you run a project-based business like mine, there are often a variety of obstacles that come with the successful completion of a project. But not knowing when you’ve actually finished can be one of the most damaging.

You, your employees, and your clients likely to have varying definitions for success. Starting projects without any criteria to verify success can cause teams to doubt the progress, so eliminate this by setting a standard. It may be after the client signs off or upon the completion of the entire scope of work. Defining this will ensure efficiency and effectiveness within your organization.

Setting your standard for success often comes with trial and error. I previously generated a few factors for measuring success of a project, but I wanted to add a few more:

Communication. The successful production and completion of a project isn’t possible without the proper chains of communication. Direct communication should be taking place between everyone working on the project, along with the customer. How will you know the status of the project without regular updates?

Objectives. Does your finished product meet all of its business objectives? This often goes beyond customer satisfaction. Unmet objectives may be a sign of insufficient resources or work. To be sure all objectives are met after completion, reach out to the end users of this product and verify their feedback.

Timeline. Success is often meeting a deadline. It’s possible the schedule of the project relates to either a budget or product launch date, so timing is an easy way to define terms for success. Sometimes clients come to us with a hard deadline, and other times they’re just looking for the end product. Either way, my team always have a schedule we need to meet.

Scope. What’s your timeframe? Even if it’s just a list of features or a simple idea, your scope of work should be driving force of your project.

Evaluation. The honest evaluation of a project is key to understanding where you are and how far you have to go in terms of success. Evaluation should take place throughout the timeline of the project. Is the project satisfactory? Are you within budget? Reach out to your project managers, employees, and even your customers during your evaluation.

Budget. Money is typically the most important factor for many projects. Did you stick to the budget? For your business to remain profitable, it’s always good to keep budget in mind throughout a project--especially if you’re hoping to come out under the expected budget.

Team satisfaction. Project management often leads to taking your team for granted. This can happen when you’ve become accustomed to working with them for so long. Focus on keeping your team happy to ensure the best results on all of the projects that you’re working on.

Customer satisfaction. It’s your job to figure out what your clients are looking for in order to ensure their happiness. Tracking client satisfaction isn’t always easy. Ask them to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 every week or so, and analyze and review your findings. This will give your team a better idea of how to meet their needs.

Quality of work. Keeping track of the quality of your team’s work is highly important in indicating success. The quality of one project often affects another. Having a consistent track record for your projects will produce a level of client satisfaction that could possibly generate new client referrals.

Follow-up. Projects are often passed off to clients never to be heard from again. Radio silence doesn’t always mean satisfaction. Reach out to your previous clients and evaluate the adoption of the work you provided them with. Are things still going smoothly? If not, ask what changes are necessary. This will likely create a chance for other business opportunities.

Creating a definition for success will help you and your team ensure all around satisfaction on the completion of projects. Make sure the standard is known throughout the company.

Fear, Courage and a Lesson

Fear, Courage and a Lesson from the Girl Scouts

I didn’t go on a date until I was 20 years old, and I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 22.

Even though my wife says I’m one of the most entrepreneurial people she’s ever met, I didn’t start my first business until I was 30 years old.

When I was younger, I was afraid of a lot. I was afraid of rejection, so even though I wanted a girlfriend desperately, I didn’t ask out girls on dates. I was afraid of failure, so even though I had lots of business ideas, I didn’t start a business.

Ironically, my fear of failure ensured the very thing I was afraid of: failure.

If you don’t risk failure, it’s hard to enjoy success.

Somewhere along the way, fortunately, I realized these 3 key facts of life:

1) We will always have fear, and that’s okay.

2) Courage is the ability to proceed in the face of fear.

3) The difference between those who are unsuccessful and those who are successful in life is often courage.

When I finally got the courage to ask out Robin on a date at age 20, she said yes, and I went on my first date. (It went horribly of course, but that’s another story.) When I finally got the courage to ask out Jen on a date, this time it went better, and soon thereafter, I had my first girlfriend. When I finally got the courage to ask another girlfriend to marry me, she said yes, and Carrie and I have now been happily married for nearly seven years, with two daughters that are the loves of my life.

When I finally had the courage to start a business, I ended up starting a business that in six years became one of the leading independent social marketing firms in the country, on the INC 500 list of fastest growing private companies for two years running.

I’m no less afraid today than I was when I started my first business or asked out that first girl or even than in high school and college, when I didn’t ask out anyone on a date. The only difference is courage.

Three weeks ago, I relearned these lessons by teaching them to my 5-year old daughter Kate. She is a first year Girl Scout – they’re called Daisies – and with my wife and troop leader Carrie running late from a meeting, I was called on to pinch-hit and lead a troop meeting. The lesson that day, in order for the Daisies to get a “petal,” was on “Courage and Strength.”

I read the seven 5-year olds a story about a girl named Tula who witnessed other girls teasing someone in the schoolyard. The girl was afraid to stand up and say something, but then finally did, when she realized it was the right thing to do, and had the courage to stand up to the bullies. Tula, in the end, was able to get all of the girls to be friends, and was rewarded for her courage.

“So courage is when you do the right thing, when you’re strong like Tula in the story?” asked one of the girls. Scratching my head, I wasn’t quite sure how to answer. And then my daughter did for me:

“Daddy,” my daughter Kate said, “I think that to have courage, you have to be afraid first. And then be strong, like Tula.”

I thought that insight from a five year old was pretty amazing.

Fear is normal –even a good thing.

Fear plus courage may or may not lead to success. But it will lead to an adventure. And fear without courage will almost assuredly lead to failure.

I’m so glad I led that Girl Scout lesson in courage when I did, because in the last two months, I’ve been in the midst of the fearful process of soliciting investors and fundraising for my 2ndbusiness, a social media software company for small businesses. I have been rejected by many investors. And I’ve been afraid of getting rejected by all of them and my business never getting off the ground. In fact, after all of those rejections, I was running out of courage when I led the Girl Scouts lesson.

Life has a very funny way of working out the way it’s supposed to, though. Inspired by the lesson I taught to seven five year olds, I persevered, I kept asking, and within two weeks, I secured a $500 thousand dollar investment – or enough to grow my new software company to the next level.

Everyone is afraid – of rejection, or failure, or embarrassment, or consequences, or losing, or feeling hurt, or missing out, or so many other fears.

The challenge isn’t to be fearless. It’s to summon up the courage, in spite of the fear, to go for it. Then, win or lose, you’ll have an adventure.

And, like Tula in the Girl Scouts story, you just might win.

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Now, it’s your turn. Have you ever been held back by fear? How did you end up with the courage to continue? What have you been afraid of in the past? And who in your life has led by example with courage? Please have the courage to let me know your honest thoughts in the Comments section below.

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. 

Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. 

If you  realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”

7 Steps to Prove That You Are Listening

I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care." – Anonymous

Listening is not enough. In business settings or personal relationships, you must convince your counterpart you are listening. No matter how much attention you are paying, if she doesn’t feel heard, your efforts will be in vain.

Listening is far more than capturing information. Listening demonstrates curiosity, respect and care. It establishes a constructive environment where you can address the issuetogether. That is, if you can show each other that you are really listening.

Here are 7+1 steps to do it:

0. Listen. Unless you really listen, you are lying.

Are you really curious? Do you have space inside your mind for your counterpart’s perspective? Unless you hold your view lightly, listening to the other will feel like a waste of time. Why bother? You already know!

1. Focus. Look at her. Don´t do anything else.

Have you ever talked to someone who is on his phone, emailing at the same time? “Go on, I’m listening,” he’ll say. But that just doesn't cut it. And how do you feel when your counterpart repeats everything and grins, “Told you. I am listening!" in a snarky tone?

2. Be quiet. Let her finish. Don’t interrupt.

I regularly coach executives who want to “learn how to listen.” “That is easy,” I reassure them. “Shut up!” I respond to their puzzled look with, “You know how to listen. The real question is why you choose to interrupt and not listen.”

3. Encourage. Nod. Say “Mhmm.” Paraphrase.

If you are quiet and keep a poker face, she won´t know if you are with her. Quietly nodding or paraphrasing encourages her to present her views fully. Your silent attention creates a vacuum that she will fill up with meaning.

4. Summarize. Play back her essential point.

Attributing the summary to the other will allow you to accept her perspective, even if you don´t agree with it. When you say, “I understand that you prefer that we change priorities,” you are not agreeing that it would be best to change priorities.

5. Check. Ask her if you got her point, and let her correct you.

You may have not gotten the gist of her argument. Perhaps you misunderstood, or perhaps she misstated it. Either way, by checking you give her a chance to sharpen or expand her thoughts.

6. Validate. Acknowledge she has a point.

Being human is being rational. Telling her that you understand why she sees things the way she does shows respect for her intelligence. If you don´t understand, avoid blaming her, “You are not making sense.” Try instead, “I know that you have an important point, but I don´t get it yet. Can you help me?”

7. Inquire. Ask her what she would like from you.

You can’t read her mind, so you don't know what she wants. If you assume you do, it's hit and miss, mostly miss. There are a myriad reasons to engage in conversation; you are on much safer ground if you ask her.

These steps are simple, not easy. They require conscious effort, especially when stakes are high. They also require discipline. Blurting out your view is as gratifying as it is self-defeating. You will never convince anybody that you know unless you first convince her that you care.

Empty your cup

I'd like to finish with a Zen story that relates to listening:

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

How To Be a Global Manager: First Steps

In the digital age, no leader should be satisfied with a business that is defined by national borders. All companies should think about reaching customers anywhere. But going from local to global can seem daunting. And so to those who are thinking of going global, I offer this set of first steps:

1. Get your news from the world. Branch out in your reading, your surfing, your discussions. Tap into international sources as well as local sources from far afield. Don’t be satisfied with the news as it is filtered through your regular sources. Reach out for new ones.
2. Encourage all employees in your company to consider themselves global employees, even if travel is not in their job descriptions. How can they do this? They should benchmark competitors in other countries. Be aware of innovations elsewhere in the world. Instead of attending the same conferences, go to events in other countries.
3. Create career paths that encourage a global experience. Make it possible – even preferable – for managers to work outside their country of origin.

Going global is a big transformation, but it can be started with small steps from your current location. When you open your mind to the world and its information, you are already on the global matrix. Thinking global is the first step to being there.

Forget Someone's Name?

I have a lot of trouble remembering people’s names, and I've developed some strategies to deal with that. Of course, I could just say politely, “I’m sorry, I don’t recall your name,” but I prefer to disguise my forgetfulness.

If you face the same challenge, try these tricks:

1. The “I know your name, but I’m blocked” dodge:
“I keep wanting to call you ‘David,’ but I know that’s not right.”

2. The “Of course I know you — in fact, I want all your information” dodge:
“Hey, I’d love to get your card.”

3. The “The tip of my tongue”dodge:
“I know I know your name, but I’m blanking right now.”

4. The “You’re brilliant!” dodge:
“Wow, you have a terrific memory. I can’t believe you remember my name from that meeting six months ago. I can’t remember the names of people I met yesterday! So of course I have to ask you your name.”

5. The “Sure, I remember you” dodge:
(Advanced) “Remind me – what’s your last name?” If you ask a person for his last name, he’s likely to repeat both names. “Doe, John Doe.”

6. The “One-sided introduction” dodge:
“Hey,” you say to the person whose name you can’t remember, “let me introduce you to Pat Smith.” You introduce the two and say the name of the person whose name you remember. Almost always, the nameless person will volunteer his or her name. I just used this strategy three days ago.

Also, remember that others might have trouble remembering your name. When you’re saying hello to someone, err on the side of re-introducing yourself. “Hi, John, it’s Gretchen Rubin.” Say your name slowly and clearly. And don’t get offended if someone doesn’t remember your name!

Have you found any good strategies for doing a better job of remembering names — or pretending to remember them?

Protect yourself from stress

Stress hits each of us differently. Some of us feel it in our bodies. Others just can't stop worrying. Back when I was doing research at Harvard, we called the kind of stress that expresses itself in the body "somatic": things like getting butterflies in your stomach, or indigestion, a racing heart or the jitters. But some people are prone to experiencing their stress mentally, for the most part. The stress that you feel in your mind -- like worrisome thoughts that keep you up at night or that continually intrude into your focus during the day -- is "cognitive" stress.

In either case, we can feel awful. And being in the grip of distress not only feels bad – it cripples our ability to work effectively.

So the trick is insulating ourselves from that negativity, or recovering from it if we do feel badly. Here the EI tools are self-awareness and self-regulation. Self-awareness lets us recognize when those distressing feelings are beginning to build. Self-regulation tells us what to do about it so we don’t end up being emotionally hijacked.

I recommend an all-around emotional self-management tactic, like a daily session of meditation or relaxation. This helps in several ways. First, it resets your brain so you are triggered less easily and less often by other people. Second, it trains your brain to recover more quickly and be more resilient. Third, it gives you a tool you can use for a few moments on the spot (or as soon as you can close your door, if you have one).

Of course, not everyone will benefit from a body-focused relaxer like yoga, just as meditation may not be the most effective way to fight stress for every person.

You don't have to take a psychological test to find out which methods will work best for you -- you can make the match most precisely through simple trial and error -- after all, you are the final judge of what will help you. But once you find a relaxer that you enjoy and that leaves you feeling less tense, try to find a time -- even just 10 or 15 minutes -- in your routine when you can practice it daily. The more you practice, the easier it will be for your body to get into that relaxed state in even a few minutes of applying your relaxation method.

15 Things Successful People Do

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

Whether in business or life, there's a fine line between success and failure. Booker T. Washington’s quote highlights the inevitability of obstacles on the path to success. In fact, I firmly believe success and failure go hand-in-hand. Those looking to succeed must first fail or learn from those who failed.

Successful individuals aren’t just born, there’s a lot more that goes into the equation. I've found those who are highly successful have a lot more in common than we may think. If you’re seeking success, these habits may come in handy.

1. Fail. No matter how hard you work, failure can and will happen. The most successful people understand the reality of failure, and its importance in finding success. Rather than running and hiding when you fail, embrace it. Learn from this mistake and you won’t fail in the same way again.

2. Set goals. Those who are successful set daily achievable goals. Find success by solidifying S.M.A.R.T. -- smart, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely -- goals. Stop juggling a mental to-do list of just long-term goals and establish small daily goals to achieve your vision.

3. Don’t rely on luck. Many relate success to being in the right place at the right time. While this is an element of success, there’s also the crucial involvement of blood, sweat, and tears. Don’t hold yourself back by waiting for the perfect timing or idea. Some of the most successful people got there by hitting the ground running, even if timing wasn’t perfect.

4. Track progress. Success comes from regularly monitoring behaviors, strategies, and tactics. How can you make adjustments if you don’t know how you’re doing? Hold yourself accountable by checking your progress as often as possible.

5. Act. Successful people don’t always know the right answer, but the keep moving anyway. Don’t let obstacles stall you when you’re searching for the right solution. Taking action will lead to answers.

6. Connect the dots. Those who are successful have the ability to see the greater picture. They identify and connect the tiny details to get there. Look at things in a “past, present, and future” context to receive favorable results.

7. Display realistic optimism. Those who succeed truly believe in their abilities. This respectfully drives them forward. Assess your abilities to gain a clear understanding of what you are able to accomplish. This will allow you balance yourself through the aid of find someone or something else.

8. Continued improvement. Successful people habitually thrive on self-improvement, whether it’s in terms of learning from mistakes or simply using their weaknesses as opportunities. Channel this habit by continually searching for ways to be better. Maybe your networking skills are rusty or you need some extra training -- set goals for improving your weak spots.

9. Commit. Success doesn’t come without effort. The most successful individuals are often the most committed to what they’re working toward. Throw yourself into your tasks and go the extra mile every single day. Make no exceptions.

10. Be alert. A keen sense of awareness breeds success. If you’re not keyed into your environment, you’re sure to miss opportunities. Do you know what’s being said within your company, feedback from clients, or even in your entire industry?

11. Persevere. Truly successful people never give up. Do they ever fail? Yes. But as times get hard, their stamina to move forward doesn’t wane. Develop a willingness to work through the challenges you encounter along the way.

12. Communicate with confidence. Those who are successful have an ease for convincing others. They don’t manipulate or pressure, but logically explain the benefits. Communicating with confidence will allow you to more easily negotiate your visions.

13. Display humility. The most successful individuals lack an ego. It’s their fault when they fail. Hold yourself accountable for every aspect of your life by focusing on remaining focused and humble.

14. Be flexible. Plans may change. Successful people roll with the punches. Rather than getting frustrated, swiftly maneuver in another direction.

15. Make connections. Successful people often attribute their achievements to the help of others. You can’t and won’t be able to do this alone. Invest in generating mutually beneficial business connections and partners. Even if you have all the skills necessary to run your company, a business partner could complement your weaknesses.

Initiating these habits of successful people will fuel you on your search for achievement.

Bad job interview? 4 good ways to learn from it

Bad job interview? Be sure to learn from it and then move on without further ado, advises Heather McNab, author of "What Top Professionals Need To Know About Answering Tough Job Interview Questions." Dwelling on it will only hang over you and kill your confidence. "You certainly don't want to one bad experience to impact your future interviews too," says McNab. Here's how to learn from a poor performance -- and then let it go.

Laugh it off

Sometimes, you're just not on your game. Other times, there is no chemistry and you're not sure why. Realize that bad job interviews happen. "Let yourself be human even if you did feel you made mistakes," says McNab. Often, lack of chemistry may signal a job isn't the right boss or company for you.

Shy? How to show passion in a job interview

7 signs you're acing a job interview

Actions and phrases that are job interview suicide

Inventory the experience on paper

Get it out of your system, and stop obsessing. "The worst thing you can do is talk about it non-stop and dart from moment to moment about what went wrong," says career expert J.T. O'Donnell. She advises going through each stage of the interview and rating how you felt. By laying out the interview stage by stage, you'll be able to pinpoint when things went downhill, and look for the reason. "In some cases, we realize we said/did the wrong thing. But, in other cases we realize we stand by what we said and that the reaction should be a sign that it wasn't the right place for us to work." Make sure to identify at least one thing that can be improved, and one thing that you nailed. "Then, take the piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it out. Time to move on," says O'Donnell.

Bring in a professional

Sometimes, it's easy to determine what went wrong and how to fix it. For example, if you were rushing because of traffic, make a mental note to leave extra early next time. Or if you simply couldn't remember great examples of work you've done as they relate to the position, practice explaining them a friend before your next meeting. But if you're stumped as to why you aren't impressing hiring managers once you're in the door, consider getting a consultation with an interviewing specialist. "Getting an interview assessment completed by a professional is an easy way for you to understand what you are doing right and finding out what changes you can make to improve your interview skills," says McNab.

Keep moving -- and move on

Ideally, you'll be able to find the humor in a job interview gone awry. At the very least, treat yourself as you'd treat your best friend if they had a bad day and do something relaxing that you enjoy. The next day? McNab says to get back on the horse and keep applying: "Whatever you do, don't stop. Momentum is key especially, if you felt you did a bad job. Move forward."

When a Valuable Lesson at Work Became an Invaluable Lesson in Life

Several months ago, walking to my car on the way home from the office, I was reflecting on a couple of moments from that day in which I was able to demonstrate compassionate management. It reminded me of some of the most important lessons I've learned that made it possible: The ability to be a spectator to my own thoughts, especially when becoming emotional; putting myself in the shoes of others and seeing the world through their eyes rather than projecting my own perspective; and working hard to manage compassionately not just with the people I connect with most readily, but unconditionally, regardless of how challenging the circumstances. It's taken years to get to the point where I can manifest these dynamics in my day-to-day role, so it always feels good when I'm able to put them into practice.

However, on this particular night, the satisfaction would be fleeting. As I opened my car door and started thinking about getting home to my wife and our two girls, it hit me: For as hard as I worked to manage compassionately at the office, I was not always actively applying the same approach with my family. To the contrary, by the time I got home on some nights, I'd be so spent after expending all of my energy at the office, that after putting the girls to bed and having dinner, I essentially had little left to give. So when my wife would try to bring up her day, or talk about the things we need to get done, I would reflexively say something to the effect that it had been a long day, I was exhausted, and could we talk about it some other time? In other words, I was doing the exact opposite of managing compassionately and I was doing it with the person who mattered most. My wife is the bedrock of our home and has built the foundation upon which my work exists. As cliche as it sounds, I couldn't do what I do without her.

Put another way, I was doing what so many of us have a tendency to do: Taking the people we're closest to for granted by assuming they are the ones we don't need to make an effort with. After all, they'll understand, right? However, nothing could be further from the truth.

It's taken me over 40 years to realize what makes me happy -- simply put, it's looking forward to going to work in the morning, and looking forward to coming home at night. Applying the most valuable lessons I've learned in both facets of my life to the integrated whole, and not taking anything or anyone for granted, is one of the most important ways I can make that happiness an enduring reality.